Here's One For the Boys! Would you sink or swim in a public restroom?

I decided to write a blog on a personal sexual issue, as I thought it might be helpful for the males who view this blog, and the women who love them. Recently, Uday (my husband) and I were discussing when we may want to start planning parenthood. Since nothing that I do is simple or easy, I decided that in order to make an educated decision, it would be best to know where we stand. So I decided that it would be best for Uday to have his sperm count tested! Uday, being the cooperative husband that he is, after only a little bit of procrastination, found a place and agreed to go. We had heard that some men who had the mumps when they were a kid have problems with fertility. Since Uday is from India (and was not sure if he had the mumps or not as a kid) we (mostly "me") thought it would be best to find out where Uday's fertility was. For the bargain price of $100 he could get it tested at a Medical Center.

It so happened, that the topic of "sperm testing" was on the radio station that I enjoy listening to in the morning here in West Palm Beach called Wild 95.5. One morning they discussed how a man on the show, who had fertility problems, had his wife make him go to get tested. Another guy on the show went along with him for the experience as well. They were shown to their own individual private rooms where there was a couch, T.V., adult video's and adult magazines. I think they may have had a choice of videos but I'm not sure. Although they were both grossed out by the thought of all the men who had been in there doing the same thing before them, it sounded like it was not such a bad experience after all.

Anyway, I told Uday about this and tried to make light of it stating, "this will be the best doctor's visit you will ever have!" The Medical Center at first told Uday that he could do his business at home as long as he drove to the Medical Center with the specimen in between his legs (in order to maintain body temperature) and brought it to them within an hour. They also told him to maintain abstinence from sexual intercourse, masturbation or any form of ejaculation for 2 to 7 days. If any of these conditions were not met, then the specimen would not be valid when tested. Uday decided that he would rather not take the risk of driving to the Medical Center with the specimen, since our home was a good 40min drive away. He decided to "just do it" at the Medical Center after a couple of days of practicing abstinence.

For support, I went with him on a Saturday but had to come back home because we forgot the prescription that he needed from his doctor in order for the lab to perform the test. After practicing abstinence again, the next time Uday went by himself on a weekday when I was working, and he felt fine about going before work.

When Uday got there he was extremely surprised when the nurse showed him a public restroom where people were going in and out, and asked him to go into one of the bathroom stalls to get his "sample". There my poor husband sat on the toilet and pondered... there were no adult video's or magazines... no comfortable couch... and worse of all no privacy!!


Much to his dismay, he quickly did what he needed to do to get a sample in the container. I'm reminded of the movie, "Something about Mary"... Ladies, you really have to appreciate what men do for love!

When Uday turned the sample in he told the nurse that it was really difficult (notice I did not say, "hard") to concentrate in there with people coming in and out (no pun intended) of the bathroom. Uday confirmed that they had no private room for people to do this test. Uday was also concerned that it was not his best work, and because of this he thought it would not be an accurate sample. Fortunately, Uday does not take himself too seriously, and joked with the nurse that this was his wife's Christmas Gift! We have since got the results that showed everything was normal and Uday confirmed that this really was my Christmas gift!

I wanted to point out the difference in experience Uday had with his sperm test, compared to the guys on the radio station who obviously went to a different facility. I want to warn men that if they ever need to get this type of test done, they may want to do their research first!

It also got me thinking, what do men think about this? Could you do the same as Uday? If you were in a public restroom with people coming in and out, would you sink or swim?

After speaking to a co-worker about this situation who brought up the question "if this is even an ethical practice for a Medical Center"? I'm curious if Uday and the men who have had the same experience as him (as well as the men who read this blog), may think differently the next time they sit on a toilet in a public restroom in a Medical Center or Hospital.

Uday and I haven't decided when we may try having a kid, but we are looking forward to working at it! ;)

"Tis' the Season to be Jolly..."

It is interesting for me to look at the palm trees and watch people dripping with sweat putting up Christmas lights on a sunny afternoon... I'm living in Florida where the temperature has been between the 70's and 80's (warmer than usual), this time of the year, and I'm still feeling S.A.D. For those of you who are not familiar with this abbreviation, it stands for "Seasonal Affective Disorder". So how does one know she has S.A.D.?

Here are some of the symptoms:

(a) Feeling sluggish
(b) Sleeping more and still feel like your not getting enough sleep
(c) Eating more, especially comfort foods such as carbohydrates
(d) Feeling less motivated.

If you observe the above symptoms, during the same season for more than two years, then you too might be in the same state as me (but colder for you Northerners)...

My grandmother and her sister also had symptoms of S.A.D. as well. I do not understand why this is happening because life right now is really good! I live in warm weather, I am happily (recently) married, I am not under financial stress, I have a good job, and I have fun loving family around me (along with my dog Riley and husband Uday who always make me laugh and keep me busy).

I just do not get it! As a therapist, I should not be advertising this! Worst of all, I recently read an article about how it is more rare to have S.A.D in Florida than other places. "A less common version of S.A.D can occur in the summer, but S.A.D usually strikes in the winter months and in colder climates. In fact, you're about seven times more likely to suffer from S.A.D if you live in New Hampshire than if you live in Florida" (girlpower.gov).



You're also more likely to suffer from S.A.D if you're female and over the age of 20, although S.A.D is sometimes seen in kids and adolescents" (girlpower.gov). This is one of the main reason why myself and so many other people move to Florida!

This idea has got me thinking... "how did I get through this when I lived up North"? "How are you Northerners doing it now"? And most importantly, I must really be spoiled to feel Season Affective Disorder in sunny, warm Florida! I worked so hard dieting and learning to eat healthy and now it feels like I can not get through the day without rewarding myself with junk food. If one was observing me I would look like a ground squirrel getting ready for hibernation. Then this got me thinking... do animals that hibernate in cold climates hibernate in warm climates as well? I did some research and found out that some animals do hibernate in warm climates when it gets a little colder, but not for long! Technically, it would not be called hibernation, but just longer periods of rest. Ironically, in nature, animals tend to hibernate due to lack of food more than temperature, but I want to hibernate more due to lack of sunlight and evidently during times of abundance of food. I hope my hibernation period is short like those of the bears in Florida!

Interestingly enough, my birthday (December 21st) happens to be on the shortest sunlight day of the year (which is also called "Winter Equinox", "Winter Solstice" or "the first day of winter"). This means that on this day, we have less sunlight than any other day of the year. After Dec 21st, it begins to stay lighter a little more each day until "Summer Equinox" (which usually begins around June 21st, when again each day begins to get darker a little earlier). I never thought of this before, but most often I do not have a good day on my birthday. I used to call it "bad luck" or "high expectations" but as I am writing this I can't help but wonder if having a bad day on the shortest day of sunlight in the year is a coincidence at all (especially for someone who has symptoms of S.A.D)!

I must say that my symptoms of S.A.D have been much better since moving to Florida, and I don't remember having any symptoms since I moved here until this year. Even though it has been very warm so far this winter, I have not been going out as much since I have been busy writing this "blogspot", doing more on the computer and inside and less outdoors.

The best treatment for S.A.D, no matter where one lives, is to get out more, exercise, and go on winter vacations to more sunny places (or move to those places like me :-) Many people also find help by seeking psychotherapy, medication, and light therapy.

It is different getting used to the Christmas season in Florida, but I love the exotic look as it has it's own unique beauty! I plan to get out more in the next coming weekends to work on getting into this festive season.

"The Sunshine State" along with the Holiday Season does light up my life when I take the time to appreciate it!

Cheers to you and your family!
Happy Holidays!!! (Fa La LA LA LA, la,la, la, LA)

View Our Wedding Video Trailer!!

Many of you might have seen our wedding pictures, but this is even better! We feel like movie stars here... check out our wedding video trailer (click on the picture below).

Stay tuned... there is more wedding video... coming soon in blogs near you !!

To Botox or not to Botox? That is the question...

I recently visited the dermatologist for the first time in my life. Since turning 30 I have noticed changes in my body like little brown spots on my hand, small broken blood vessels in my face, and different small red growths on my body that my grandfather used to have. Especially since I live in Florida (have lived here for about four years now), and love to bask in the sun, I thought it was time to get checked out to make sure I didn't have any skin cancer. I also wanted to get the small brown growth on my hand removed.

The doctor's name was Dr. Strong, and he was very nice, patient and descriptive. He answered all of my questions and really listened to my concerns. Before doing a total examination of my body I also asked him about the brochures I noticed about hair removal, pulsed light photo facials (which help get rid of redness, veins, broken blood vessels or any kind of sun damage), and Botox. I was looking at the brochures not only for myself but also for my mother. He explained each one of the procedures I had picked and said I was a good candidate for them. There were a few more brochures that were obviously for much older people than me. While he was explaining "Botox" to me he mentioned that he noticed the wrinkle (just one!) on my forehead (that I have been noticing as well), and how my eyes wrinkle when I smile. He encouraged me to get the Botox before it was too late...

In case you don't already know, Botox is like a poison, which they call "botulinum toxin" and it is injected into the muscle causing them to relax instead of contract. The deal with Botox is that it does not take away wrinkles, it only helps prevent them.

Dr. Strong also informed me that he would not recommend putting it too close to my eyebrows because then I would have no movement with my eyebrows and it would make my expression look fake. Instead he recommended Botox higher up on my forehead so I can still have eyebrow expression but prevent the wrinkle in the middle of my forehead. I told him I would think about it and would not get it done that day since it costs about $300 a session and it is recommended to get it done about 4 times a year equaling the cost of about $1200 a year (not including the Botox that I could use at the creases of my eyes when I smile).

In the meantime he examined me and numbed the brown spot on my hand and cut it off with a razor blade. He did the same to a red spot on the edge of my bikini area and did the same again to a cute star shaped freckle on my left breast. It did not hurt, but boy was I starting to really feel old! He told me that the only spot he was worried about being potentially cancerous was the star like freckle on my breast, which was a spot I was never concerned about. I had more brown and red spots I was worried about but he said that it was genetic and being in my 30's (basically old age spots) and many of which I would have to live with. Lastly, I had him zap a small dot on my face which is actually a broken blood vessel. In the last two weeks everything is healing nicely, except the breast is taking a little longer but is slowly looking less red where he cut. I also got the phone call yesterday about the results from when they sent the spots to the lab. Everything was normal except the spot on my breast came out abnormal, as he suspected. "Abnormal", means not cancerous, but could turn that way in time. Since he got it out completely, I have nothing to worry about on that spot but he suggested that I get checked yearly. I would recommend others to do the same as well.

Even before I left the officeI have to admit, that this Botox thing got me thinking, in fact I was hesitant to walk out of the office without sucking it up, putting the $300 on my credit card and getting the injection. On the one hand, I was thinking, why not prevent wrinkles and try to stay young (looking) if possible (especially since now it is possible!). It might be that, one day when our kids generation gets to age 30, Botox could simply be routine like visiting the dentist. The celebrities do it (especially female celebrities because they feel like they have to, and since they have the money to do it), and because of that they look half their age!

On the other hand I thought to myself, "let's be realistic, you can't afford this!" and "how vain are you?" Knowing that I swell up from bee stings and red ant bites (which is also a poison), I thought that it was a possibility that by trying to look good, I may have a bad reaction and swell up on my forehead for four months or worse. I asked the doctor about the cases that were on the news about Botox where the people got very sick. He explained that it was due to an unethical doctor who got Botox that was not made for humans and was a much higher undiluted dose. He also said that he only uses it from the maker of Botox called "Allergan". This doctor seems trustworthy and was not pressuring me at all. He just wanted to make sure that I realized that it could prevent the wrinkles but not take them away.

I still haven't decided what to do. I asked my husband and he said, "only do it if it is free and if you want to". He feels that some people take advantage of other peoples insecurities (fears or weaknesses) to make a living (or get rich). Although he has a point, easy for him to say as a man. What does he have to be insecure about? Men can be old, fat, and bald as long as they have money... and many women think that men look better as they age (such as: George Clooney and Richard Gere). Would I even be thinking about Botox if it was not the way our society (including myself) view women?

I still ponder, and I ask you..."To Botox or Not to Botox? That is the question...

The Born Again Religion is Like Sesame Street!

I had the experience of going to the "Born Again" Church today with Uday, like we do sometimes, as he is of that religion. Even though I am not religious and call myself spiritual, marriage is about compromise and doing things for your partner, so I went with him today, as I also did last week. Well, I must confess, I really like the cookies and munch kins they serve there! Uday has also made compromises by changing his life style and going to the Unitarian Universal Church with me, the few times I have gone to check it out. We also brought gifts for the Children in Haiti as the "Born Again" Church was sending gifts to them for the Holidays! (I agree with this and wanted to support this effort, a specific reason why we went today). Last week at the "Born Again" Church, a Christian guy who works for a Christian radio station, spoke about how it does not matter what you do outwardly - such as going to church and following the list of "Christian" type things (that can also be called "man-made rules"), but rather it is about having God in your heart. I left Church that day feeling a sense of relief knowing that this was a message these religious people needed to hear but often did not. I was thinking that this was a much better teaching than I have heard the "Christians" discuss before. This guy was saying: "don't be judgmental, be more like Jesus".

Unfortunately, today in church my experience was similar to the ones I previously had with "Born Again Christians". This is because, one of the things the Pastor was preaching was that whom ever does not believe in Jesus is not going to heaven. I guess that means, at the very least, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and the untouched tribes in Africa and the Amazon are not going to heaven! (if there is any such thing as a heaven). This is a typical theme I have run into since living in Florida from "Born Again Christians". Perhaps they say the same thing in the North, but I don't remember running into any people of that Faith during my life in New Hampshire or New York (just Catholics, Protestants, Methodist and the like).

Anyway, it got me thinking of an article by Virginia Heffernan which describes the "Sesame Street" they used to show on TV when I was a kid (1970's & 1980's) and how it has changed dramatically since then. In the article, Virginia writes about how they needed to change Sesame Street because they realized that in meaning to teach kids positive messages they were doing the opposite by accident. She writes about how, "Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes [and] Oscar’s depression was untreated". I haven't watched Sesame Street since I was a kid but according to Virginia, Sesame Street is new and improved. No longer are the days where it shows the following: "a pretty, lonely girl like Sally might find herself befriended by an older male stranger who held her hand and took her home." Although when the show aired in the past, it was innocent and perhaps ignorant, it meant well. Illustrating such things as, "Love your neighbor as yourself". Times were different and more simple then, but as times have changed, and I have grown up, so has Sesame Street. In time, I think this might be the same for the "Born Again Religion". They are baby's now making baby steps with large effects. Although they seem to mean well, I can't help but wonder if they are spreading negative messages (indirectly, like Cookie Monster) as much as positive messages. Ironically, history & the current times are proof of so much negativity from religions trying to teach the opposite. Like they say in Church, "there is a season for everything". Let's hope this "Born Again Religion" catches up to the new season of Sesame Street and works harder to only create positive messages to their followers.

I'll pray for them!!

My Dream place to visit...

TAHITI!!!! Living so close in nature on top of the water in paradise... What a life?? Imagine stepping out of your door into the beautiful teal warm water, contrasted by the true blue sky and muti colored vibrant fishes... As the song goes..."these are a few of my favorite things..." (The Sound of Music).

When Uday and I went to New Zealand we were so close to Tahiti yet too far... I can't complain because some day we will go there. New Zealand was the most amazing place I have been to so far. Make sure to check out the video and pictures of our trip to New Zealand. You can also find some from our wedding website as well.