I thought long and hard before I wrote this blog but decided to write it being aware of a few things up front:
1. The main reason why people say and do mean things is for attention.
2. The second reason is a toss up between insecurity and jealousy.
Even though I may be giving into, at the very least, the number one reason why people say mean things, I find that it is sometimes helpful to "kill-em with kindness". Thus if it is attention this person wants, it is attention this person will get, because I believe it is for the greater good.
Recently I received a comment on my Bahama's Blog that I did not publish that said the following:
Hey Uday, the chick in your pics looks fat, you look cool though... Cheers man!
This comment was disturbing on many levels and it seemed obvious to me that this person was too cowardly to write their name and instead left it Anonymously. This illustrates the obvious, that Mr. Anonymous knew that he was being mean and he did not want to publish his name for the world to see the kind of person he really is.
I also found it interesting that it is clear throughout my blog that Uday and I are married and that Mr. Anonymous called me a "Chick" instead of "your wife". Perhaps he felt like saying "your wife in your pics looks fat" as too disrespectful (like a "your mamma joke") so he made me seem less personal to Uday as just a "chick". When all is said and done I am not sure if calling me a "chick" instead of "wife" shows more consciousness or less?
The other thought I had for a brief moment was, maybe he thinks that Uday is with someone else in the picture and this "chick" is not his wife, but if this was the case that Uday was with some random stranger in a picture than why would he care to comment in the first place? Then I came to my senses and left my innocence behind and came to the realization that Mr. Anonymous is really being mean...but why?
Why would this poser, (acting like he's cool with Uday) want to hurt my feelings and hurt Uday's?
Does it go back to his own insecurity about his life, or jealousy about our life, as he may not have all that we do? Or is it just the way our society is now?
I have struggled with my weight all of my life and I know better than anyone when I am gaining weight. I know that I look better when I am thinner and I know how much work it is to lose weight and keep it off as I have done it before. I have all of my excuses for gaining weight recently such emotional eating from stress at work, traveling to exotic places and eating their food, spending more time blogging than exercising, and thinking that I am pregnant every month to finding out that I am not. I know that these excuses are not good enough but isn't that my business and my bones to bare (no pun intended)! Last I checked my blog was not about being a beauty pageant winner or a playmate so how is his comment relevant in the first place?
I guess, I am sounding defensive but I have trouble with the pressure our society puts on weight, age and wrinkles (for women especially). I know our World is shallow but why does someone like Oprah have to feel embarrassed about gaining weight?
Oprah writes in her own magazine in Jan 2009, I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, "How did I let this happen again?"
As much as eating healthy and exercising is important and usually makes one feel better, I'm here to tell Oprah, other celebrities, and people like myself who struggle with weight and mean people too, "There are more important things in life to concentrate on other than starving yourself and exercising your brains out!" Yes, there is a time and place for eating healthy and exercising, and yes I need to do more, consistently, but when is society going to concentrate on more important issues! Life is so short! If mean people could take that energy and help the homeless and starving children and animals around the world, not only would this be a better place but people like Mr. Anonymous would feel better about themselves. Oprah could concentrate on helping others, which in my opinion is what she does best, instead of spending all of her time controlling her portions and wasting the whole day at the gym to look good on her magazine cover. Imagine all of what people like Oprah could do if they set their mind to it if they were not in the gym 7 days a week? Imagine what the extreme skinny celebrities could do if they were not snorting cocaine 7 days a week to stay so thin?
When you Google Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Love Hewitt, weight gain comes up by their name. Why does this make headline news, because mean people suck and it goes back to the number one reason, attention and jealousy!
As much as celebrity's and non-famous people like me would like to say that they don't care what other people think, it is human nature to get hurt and in general it is not nice, and poor Karma to say negative comments about others especially in writing.
Hoping that "mean people" learn something from this blog, "Cheers"!
1. The main reason why people say and do mean things is for attention.
2. The second reason is a toss up between insecurity and jealousy.
Even though I may be giving into, at the very least, the number one reason why people say mean things, I find that it is sometimes helpful to "kill-em with kindness". Thus if it is attention this person wants, it is attention this person will get, because I believe it is for the greater good.
Recently I received a comment on my Bahama's Blog that I did not publish that said the following:
Hey Uday, the chick in your pics looks fat, you look cool though... Cheers man!
This comment was disturbing on many levels and it seemed obvious to me that this person was too cowardly to write their name and instead left it Anonymously. This illustrates the obvious, that Mr. Anonymous knew that he was being mean and he did not want to publish his name for the world to see the kind of person he really is.
I also found it interesting that it is clear throughout my blog that Uday and I are married and that Mr. Anonymous called me a "Chick" instead of "your wife". Perhaps he felt like saying "your wife in your pics looks fat" as too disrespectful (like a "your mamma joke") so he made me seem less personal to Uday as just a "chick". When all is said and done I am not sure if calling me a "chick" instead of "wife" shows more consciousness or less?
The other thought I had for a brief moment was, maybe he thinks that Uday is with someone else in the picture and this "chick" is not his wife, but if this was the case that Uday was with some random stranger in a picture than why would he care to comment in the first place? Then I came to my senses and left my innocence behind and came to the realization that Mr. Anonymous is really being mean...but why?
Why would this poser, (acting like he's cool with Uday) want to hurt my feelings and hurt Uday's?
Does it go back to his own insecurity about his life, or jealousy about our life, as he may not have all that we do? Or is it just the way our society is now?
I have struggled with my weight all of my life and I know better than anyone when I am gaining weight. I know that I look better when I am thinner and I know how much work it is to lose weight and keep it off as I have done it before. I have all of my excuses for gaining weight recently such emotional eating from stress at work, traveling to exotic places and eating their food, spending more time blogging than exercising, and thinking that I am pregnant every month to finding out that I am not. I know that these excuses are not good enough but isn't that my business and my bones to bare (no pun intended)! Last I checked my blog was not about being a beauty pageant winner or a playmate so how is his comment relevant in the first place?
I guess, I am sounding defensive but I have trouble with the pressure our society puts on weight, age and wrinkles (for women especially). I know our World is shallow but why does someone like Oprah have to feel embarrassed about gaining weight?
Oprah writes in her own magazine in Jan 2009, I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, "How did I let this happen again?"
As much as eating healthy and exercising is important and usually makes one feel better, I'm here to tell Oprah, other celebrities, and people like myself who struggle with weight and mean people too, "There are more important things in life to concentrate on other than starving yourself and exercising your brains out!" Yes, there is a time and place for eating healthy and exercising, and yes I need to do more, consistently, but when is society going to concentrate on more important issues! Life is so short! If mean people could take that energy and help the homeless and starving children and animals around the world, not only would this be a better place but people like Mr. Anonymous would feel better about themselves. Oprah could concentrate on helping others, which in my opinion is what she does best, instead of spending all of her time controlling her portions and wasting the whole day at the gym to look good on her magazine cover. Imagine all of what people like Oprah could do if they set their mind to it if they were not in the gym 7 days a week? Imagine what the extreme skinny celebrities could do if they were not snorting cocaine 7 days a week to stay so thin?
When you Google Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Love Hewitt, weight gain comes up by their name. Why does this make headline news, because mean people suck and it goes back to the number one reason, attention and jealousy!
As much as celebrity's and non-famous people like me would like to say that they don't care what other people think, it is human nature to get hurt and in general it is not nice, and poor Karma to say negative comments about others especially in writing.
Hoping that "mean people" learn something from this blog, "Cheers"!
10 comments:
Great post, Amy. Thanks for having the courage to write this one for all of us women, regardless of size. None of us are perfect and we constantly face the pressure to be so. Women and girls are targeted everywhere (commercials, "beauty" magazines, etc) and told that to be "pretty" and "acceptable" we have to be skinny, wear makeup, dye our hair, hide our age, wear uncomfortable clothes (nylons, high heals, etc)and conform to an unreachable standard. I am proud to not be perfect and to remain as natural as I choose (no makeup, no dying hair) regardless of what others may think. As for "Mr. Annonymous", it always amazes me how many people refuse to mature past the age of 12, don't you think?
I think, and always have thought, you are beautiful inside and out! I'm sorry someone used words to hurt you. You are absolutely right. Whoever it was is a coward, jealous and wants attention (which of course, we are giving him right now...) Keep your chin up!
As you know I struggle with this weight issue as well,and as much as you don't want to let other affect you there comments do hurt from time to time, as if we didn't have enough with our own worries when just looking at a past picture when I was skinnier make me sad or angry. Yes there are many excuse we use to make others understand why we have gain the weight but I'm telling you in the past few years I have learn that no matter what size you are they will always find something negative to say something they don't like about you because like you say is just there insecurities that make them act this way. maybe this anonymous guys when he use the words "that chick is fat in your pic" really mean to say " Udday I wish I also had a wife and a life to love" This most be a lonely bastard that goes on with his day feeling better when he hurts others. who knows if he has the same weight issues! I'm so tired of people not feeling happy for something that is my problem and my problem only, we are not all made the same, our bodies are different because of mix cultures, the way we eat and so...I feel like I been dealing with this issue seems I was 11 years old when I actually started my first diet, I am now 31 years old and finally a few years ago decide that I would never get on a diet in my life time! That didn't mean I'm not eating right and try to ecxesites more what it meant is I would not spend my days worried about it because at least to me it was such a mental distress (And see how I say was because I really have learn to not let me affect me anymore) I would feel happy because I loose the weight and then so sad because i gain it again. At the end it was doing so much more bad to me then good. I choose to be who I am and not have an excuse for it! You are a beautiful human being and at the end would Mr anonymous want to be with a size 2 girl or someone who would actually love him and respect him? Come on Mr anonymous you know how unhappy you are that you most make such comments to hurts those that are supposed to be your friends because by hurting Amy you are hurting your so call friend Udday. Ugh! I really get angry at people like this because they are so cower that they can't not even make a comment and own it! Amy don't worried about what others think you know how I am, be yourself, be happy and don't make excuses for it, is who you are and if you love it that's good enough! Love Ya!
Dora
I just wanted to thank you Cathy, Amanda and Dora for your comments and support! In this day in age it is sad to see that there are still people like Mr. Anonymous. It is time to stop playing defense and start playing offense! I hope your comments and this blog are a start to standing up and telling people to stop being so mean!Instead these mean people should look more at themselves and their imperfections!
Great blog...what an ass that guy must be to have made such a comment..
Great post, Amy. I really enjoy reading your blog. You're a great writer.
Hey Amy, i thought your blog was thought provoking. i'm a guy and a naturally skinny person, so i haven't had to fight that fight much at all. (although since i turned thirty, and married a great cook, things seem to be a bit more difficult.) so i appreciated you explaining how it is to deal with the pressure that is on women all the time. you took something painful and used it to help the rest of us. perhaps this is the best way to deal with undkindness? to turn it into something good?
Hi Amy,
I think that mean person is jealous about your smile and that you both get to see so many places. I like it that you came out openly against the comment and feel for how bad she must have felt. Keep blogging as always and have fun!
-Sharath (Uday's friend from ULL)
I think you just blew someone's comment out of proportion, sure it was on the edge/borderline of being mean, but your writing and thoughts are like a 12 year old whining away...
Hi Amy, I think I know what the person is jealous of. He/She is jealous of your great smile and that you get to see such nice places and blog about them.
I agree with what you said in the blog. What matters is that you are happy in what you do and also be healthy (which has nothing to do with how one looks).
-Sharath (Uday's friend from ULL)
Post a Comment